Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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