my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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