fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
