Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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