dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
