And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
