Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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