never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize