My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
