11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
