i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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