Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
