i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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