my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
