she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
