Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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