You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
