Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
