bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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