Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
