So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
