I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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