I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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