She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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