erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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