I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
