4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
