i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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