Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
