Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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