I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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