The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
