Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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