based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
