i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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