He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
