i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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