chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
