if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
