he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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