I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
