And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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