i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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