im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
