Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
