Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
did you just send me my own nude
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
