Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
