On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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