Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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