it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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