So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
