Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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