can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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