Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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