This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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