you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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