God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
