Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
