I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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