Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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