She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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