Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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