just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
