Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
