you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
