Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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