got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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