I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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