Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
